


not alone

by kittykat101



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Minor Character Death, its not that bad tho, joshaya, joshaya - freeform, only a lil bit sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26239882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykat101/pseuds/kittykat101
Summary: when someone close to josh is in the hospital, will Maya still be there for him through their fight?
Relationships: Maya Hart & Josh Matthews, Maya Hart & Riley Matthews, Maya Hart/Josh Matthews, Topanga Lawrence-Matthews/Cory Matthews
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	not alone

The beeping of the monitor was the only sound that filled the waiting room, not counting the sound of Josh’s rapidly beating heart and the constant stream of 'what ifs…' within his head.  
Just 12 hours ago, he was in his dorm, bickering with the infamous Shnoop-a-loop about the unwashed dishes in their sink. God, what a better timeHe pressed the palm of his hand into his eyes, desperately hoping that he could go back in time.

(this wasn’t the first time he had wished it (and it wouldn’t be the last.))

He had gotten the call about an hour and a half ago, causing him to catch the first train out of New York and into Philly, his family’s home. Clearly, he registers dimly that Cory had gotten the same call, arriving on a 10 minute later train than he.

(there was no exclamations of ‘my brother!’ (instead just the quiet silence as they thought to the man who had claimed them as family first lying in a hospital bed not 10 metres from where they stood-))

“Topanga’s waiting for the girls and Auggie’ Cory broke the silence with, ‘she didn’t want me to wait but couldn’t leave them.’  
Josh gave a singular nod of his head, the most expression he had outwardly shown since receiving the call.

(inside he was screaming, praying, yelling for this all to be a dream and for him to just wake up from this nightmare-)

From then on, josh shut down. He didn’t show any emotion, any sign that he had heard what was going on around him as people began to arrive to support Alan Matthews. Cory assumed the parent/teacher role and updated Eric and katy and Shawn as they arrived not 30 minutes later as Josh continued to curl into himself.

(his head was bursting at the seams but his brain couldn’t say anything aloud, couldn’t look anyone in the eyes (for fear of seeing pity, sympathy in those reflected))

At some point, unbeknownst to him when exactly, a small hand had come to rest on his shaking ones. He couldn’t force his eyes to focus through the blurriness but saw a flash of blonde and gripped tighter.

(although the terror that iced his veins was still threatening to engulf him, he found that his heart melted it a little more knowing her presence was here unwaveringly.)

A couple hours later – could’ve been days for him – Josh heard the arrival of the doctor again, and forced his ears to tune in. he only heard one sentence above the rest-

(he didn’t make it)

before his feet were suddenly up and running blindly towards the front of the hospital, leaving the muffled cries and heartbreak behind him, his brain still stuck on that sentence over and over again

( he didn’t make it he didn’t make it he didn’t make it )

He gasped as he reaches some alleyway he remembers from his childhood, knowing somewhere in the back of his brain that he was inhaling air, but the part of the brain he could not help but listen to was yelling at him that the air was frozen by the ice in his veins, the knowledge of him being alone in the world at only 22. 

(he didn’t make it he didn’t make it he didn’t make it)

Distantly, he recalls his mother’s funeral and his heart hurts all over again as he remembers how his father hugged him close and whispered that he’d never let him go, never let him be alone. A chuckle escapes his lips mirthlessly as the irony hits him. Alan had joked “never over my dead body’ and josh now wonders how true that statement was and whether his father knew the future.

(his father’s dead body, the one lying in the hospital bed lifeless and cold to the touch (he theorises, not having the strength or courage within to see for himself.))

His dad, the one who never failed at including him, never let him feel less loved than his other four, older siblings, died and left him alone, an orphan, two years after his mother’s death.

(a sea of black, interrupted only by his father’s broken smile and tear-stained face as he ruffled his hair and he leaned into the touch, yearning for his mother’s careful and loving embrace again (that will never come))

Tender and slim arms wrapped around him suddenly, and josh couldn’t find it in himself to look up. He knew instinctively who had come after him, of course he did. She was always there for him, even though the last time they had spoken she had insisted on never talking to him again, even though he knew he didn’t deserve her.

( you have the biggest capacity for love that I’ve ever seen. And I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s because your dad left, but-)

Maya held him tight as he started to fall apart in her arms, her own heart breaking and cracking and splintering to the sounds of his sobs. Here was the boy she had loved all her life, through all of the gentle reminders that he was too old for her, through his unadmitted jealousy that she now saw as her own flaw mirrored, the fear of anyone leaving. She tightens her grip as a tear trickles slowly down her face.

( she remembers screaming at him, as he grabs onto her wrist, pleading with her not to leave him and it was a stupid mistake and he didn’t know what came over him but her head hurt too much with his constant mixed actions that she shook him off and closed the door behind her.  
((she regretted not looking back, and remembers how she cried in his doorway the night after with his roommate on the other side of the door, not knowing who she was and explaining dryly that he was out on a date and then slamming the door in her face.  
(((that was 6 months ago, and while she still felt angry and broken and pissed and broken, she knows that this is the boy that was there for her through everything and who she had come to call one of her best friends. This was josh, and she will always put josh over her own feelings regardless of the consequences for herself (she wonders if that’s selfish.))))

‘Josh, it’ll be okay, you can let it out’ maya mumbles in his ear. Maybe it’s her hot breath on his skin, or the way that she is speaking is so gentle it feels more intimate than anything that he’s ever fantasized about, but he hiccups wetly and asks her how anything would ever be okay again with such vulnerable eyes that , yes, that’s definitely her heart breaking in two.

(she wishes she could absorb his sadness, like a sponge because she knows that josh doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve the heartbreak of being without a parent, and she can’t even imagine what it must be like to not have two.)  
(he just shuts his eyes so tight with the safety of her that he can see stars and that’s a momentary relief)

Maya can see the top of Riley’s head as she peers through the alleyway and can see the confusion on her face as she waves her away and feels the wash of guilt as she knows that Riley is hurting too but can’t bring herself to part with the sobbing boy in her arms for fear he’ll break. She smiles a little more when she sees confusion on her best friends face turn to understanding and walks back to the same direction she came from.

Josh lifts his head, oblivious to the previous events as he cries his last tears for the moment and meets Maya’s shining blue orbs. “ Shit, Maya I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t handle it alone and I understand if you’re still mad at me and I completely deserve that and more and you can go back inside if you’d like and find Riley or Shawn or whoever because I’m sure they’re more important than me and I-“  
“No one is more important to me than you.” Maya interrupts his rambling firmly. “ Apart from Riley obviously.” She adds with a nervous chuckle after seeing how his eyes widen in some sort of child-like wonder at her statement.

(later, she will ask herself how fucked up their situation was that she didn’t even notice when the worshipper turned to the worshipped.)  
((josh knows he’s always admired her.))

“But still. I don’t want you to stay here out of pity.” Josh laughs with no real humour behind it and wipes his nose with the edge of his hand, “I’m a big boy now and I’ll have to handle myself alone sometime, or haven’t you heard?” he gestures toward the general direction of the hospital sadly. He begins to pull away from her grip but she doesn’t budge.  
“Josh.” The blonde says, trying to position herself in his viewpoint but he steadfastly looks anywhere but her. “Josh?” Maya just grabs his face in one hand and takes his hand in the other. 

(for a second she gets lost in the depth of them, the mix of colours that just scream ‘josh’ and the emotions rippling under the surface.)  
“No matter what I’m here for you. You should know that by now. You should also know that I don’t do anything out of pity. I’m here for you as long as you’ll have me and as long as you’ll want me. I’m not going anywhere.”

(she remembers a time that someone said that to her, about 13 years ago. She promises upon her life that she’ll keep this one)

His eyes search hers, analysing for any sort of hesitation or hint that she’s lying to him. In this moment, this position, she is wide open, in a vulnerable sense. He knows that it is a rare moment to catch Maya Hunter vulnerable, and so he knows what she can not say out loud.

(i trust you i trust you i trust you)

He just collapses back into her arms, and she smiles half-heartedly and runs her fingers through his hair that feels so perfect he could almost forget what happened earlier.

(he didn’t make it he didn’t make it he didn’t make it)

They stay there for a while, not knowing where one ends and one starts, until Cory and Morgan and Eric all come out to find him. There she untangles herself from him, touches her lips to the tip of his nose, making his nose scrunch up in the way that makes him look like a koala bear, and leaves to comfort her best friend.

(this time she looks back. and he is looking straight back at her)


End file.
